All In My Head…?


“I am a sick man…I am a spiteful man. I am an unpleasant man. I think my [Head] is diseased[?]”

Something is wrong with me. Has been for going on two months now. Maybe more.
After numerous doctor visits and a trip to the ER they diagnosed me with Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome.
It’s a neurological disorder where you pretty much throw up…a lot.

I have no idea what caused it, or what triggers an episode…but…

I am so fucking tired.

So tired of it.

I was laid out for close to two weeks. Throwing up every morning – and I mean, like, fire hose-style – then sleeping for hours and hours.

There’s not much I can do, really. I take a pill that’s supposed to fight off nausea. But, I’m tired of taking medication preemptively.

I don’t know how to break the cycle. I’ve stopped drinking caffeine (which is killing me, KILLING ME, I tell you! I need my coffee!!), cheese, whatever else I can think of that could upset my stomach.

I am just so fucking tired of this.

How does one get their head to stop telling their stomach to empty itself? Look it up – Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome. Stupidest disease in the world, I’m tellin’ ya.

Sometimes you just get to the point where you want to hide, to sleep, to hibernate forever because, fuck, you have no idea what it’s going to be like in the morning. And playing the guessing game while getting ready for work is not fun.
Ever try to tie your shoe in the living room and then have to go storming through the house to the bathroom trying not to trip on your why-are-they-so-long converse shoelaces and throw up on your cat?

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is I’m unhappy. I’m sick. And I have no idea what the fuck to do about any of it except to stay medicated.

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About litbandit

El Bandito Bibliotequa...or something.
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